half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
