Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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