I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
