M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
