So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize