I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize