I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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