I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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