the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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