Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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