We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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