You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
