dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
im on a boat
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