too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
