then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
