That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
