so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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