ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
