well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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