Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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