I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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