Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
