Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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