The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize