I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
