I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
