So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
