How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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