omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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