I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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