That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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