it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
