did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
