I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
