thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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