real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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