apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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