Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
