Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
