First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize