I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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