just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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