Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize