In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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