I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
