yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
