spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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