No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
