mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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