i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
