god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
