Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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