He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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