please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
pop tarts are not kleenex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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