The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
