If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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