So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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