I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She said her name was "party"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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