If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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