I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
