That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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