I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
