made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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