I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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