oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize