At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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